He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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