He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
