apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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