He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
