I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just invented taco cereal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
