It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
