just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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