oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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