Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
