I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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