you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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