drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
