he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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