thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
