Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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