If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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