i just google imaged poop.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
