I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
