I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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