Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
