I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
