the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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