I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
