you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
