I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
