How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
