the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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