Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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