Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
