why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
