hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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