3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
