I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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