No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
