Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
