my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
