she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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