Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I forget how to act sober
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