he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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