he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
