How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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