new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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