Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
