Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
