You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
