Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
