Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
