HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
