I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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