You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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