I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
