There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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