So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
