the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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