now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
smell my finger.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
