so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
