It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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