She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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