so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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