it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want to make out with him forever
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
