also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
