I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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