I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
