You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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