I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
