I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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