"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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