He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
