I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
