____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
