what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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