its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
