FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
