I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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